Friday, November 10, 2006

winter fair


winter fair
a man picks candyfloss
from his beard


Little Onion

6 Comments:

Blogger Alan Summers said...

Evocative. What colour candyfloss, was it pink or was it blue? ;-)

1:52 pm  
Blogger sangeet said...

Lovely!

6:40 pm  
Blogger Little Onion said...

pink alan - and the original draft included the colour:


winter fair
a man picks pink candyfloss
from his beard

but i took it out again - playing with the 3/6/3 form...

the middle line felt too long...

7:14 pm  
Blogger Alan Summers said...

HiLO,

Yep, if it was pink you don't need to say, and it gives candyfloss lovers the chance to put their own colour in too! ;-)

It's as you say, a bit too long, I'm really liking some of the shorter haiku being posted here.

They don't look or read minimalist, but natural, brilliant!

Don't forget to phone the 24 Hour Haiku Recording Devices Unlimited ;-)

7:37 pm  
Blogger mattm said...

this works...

12:58 pm  
Blogger Alan Summers said...

Just to clarify...

It's as you say, a bit too long, I'm really liking some of the shorter haiku being posted here.

...I was agreeing with Paul that it was better in his shorter version:
winter fair
a man picks candyfloss
from his beard


It also tangents off beautifully, for me, about Old-Man's-Beard: webpage

5:13 pm  

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